Thursday, November 27, 2014
Life seems to just keep flying by faster than I can keep up. I always mean to sit down and write, but there just doesn't ever seem to be time. As Thanksgiving has arrived, I find myself reflecting on all of the things for which I am thankful, and it leads me down roads that end with a giant reflection of myself. I am not happy with everything that I see.
Horses have always been my passion, where there is passion, there is great emotion. I have always been a competitive person who worked very hard to obtain my goals, where there is competitive drive, there is great emotion. Passionate competitive drive can mean a blend of emotion that can drive a person to victory, and it can also mean driving a person to insanity.
2014 has been a year of almosts. I spent most of the year tasting what big things Bug and I are capable of, and the full experience being just out of my grasp. Competing at the Advanced/*** is no joke. Reaction time has to be so quick. There is no room for error. Due to a lot of factors, I have been having some reaction time errors, and being the person that I am, I became very passionate about getting better.
Unfortunately, when a lot of emotion is involved in life, we can sometimes become our own worst enemy. I started letting what everyone else is doing get into my head. I kept striving to be everyone else. I allowed these things to turn me into someone that I don't want to be.
After Fair Hill, I started to really analyze who I have become, as both a rider and as a person. There have been a lot of things coming up in my life in the past few months that have really showed me that I want to get away from who I am becoming.
Thanksgiving is a time for all of us to reflect on what we have. I used to participate in the Facebook frenzy of listing the things for which I am thankful. However, this year, I realized that I was allowing all of the white noise in my life to distract me from what I need to be focusing on.
I AM SO BLESSED.
Why am I running my brain ragged focusing on what went wrong, when I need to focus on what went right and continue to strive to make that a constant? Why am I allowing the white noise of what everyone else is doing and saying to block out all of the meaningful words and actions? Why am I allowing all of the bad to outweigh the good? I have allowed myself to get distracted from why I started doing all of this in the first place.
You can't please everyone all of the time. I try. I fail. As I have found this year, no matter how much good you do for people, they will still stab you in the back. It's human nature. Finding a way to let that go is something that I find difficult. However, it's something that is going to happen regularly, and I need to rise above it. People will say nasty things about me. I have to know and believe that they aren't true. Rising above the noise is so difficult, but it's something that I have to learn. God made me who I am, and it's my job to keep striving to be the better person. I have allowed others to drag me down.
Where is all of this leading? I'm glad you asked. It's leading me to my Thanksgiving Resolution. From now moving forward, I am going to stand up and be thankful. I am going to focus on what is good and right in my life, and try my best to move on from the bad. Instead of focusing on how to fix the bad, I will focus on how to make the good better. This does not mean that I will work any less at being the best. It means that I am changing the way I do it.
From this point on, I am going to make a stand for the positive and leave the negative behind.
What am I thankful for?
I have an amazing husband who, thank the Lord, is not into the horse scene. He keeps me grounded and reminds me that this is supposed to be fun, and I am supposed to smile. Without him, I never would have taken this hard look at myself, and I would have continued down the road of the negative focus. When I am down in a hole, he reaches down with a smile and pulls me to my feet. He isn't afraid to tell me when I'm out of bounds, and he brings me back to the real world. He reminds me daily of what and who I want to be.
My parents have always supported me. I haven't always been the best daughter, but they have kicked me in the butt when I needed it. They support my crazy life and give me the emotional and mental pushes I need. Without them, I would never have made it this far with this crazy dream of mine.
Having a good coach makes all of the difference. Bonnie Mosser has shown me what I am capable of, and no matter how much I mess up or drive her crazy, she is always there with an insightful word or the push that I need to keep moving forward. She understands my amazing horse and is always quick to try something new if the old way isn't working. Her strong competitive drive and amazing skill as a rider and teacher have taught me so much. Her ability to see the root of a problem, no matter how minor, is amazing, and without her, I would not be where I am today.
Bug. Bug. Bug. I would not be who I am as a rider without this amazing animal. We are a team to be reckoned with, and our bond is so strong. I KNOW this horse has what it takes to be a top horse, and we will prove it together in 2015.
My horses. Besides Bug, I have a lot of really nice horses coming up. Ellie Mae has made a little bit of an appearance this year, and I expect she will really be getting some of the spotlight next year. There are quite a few others coming up, and I'm really excited about them all. I am truly blessed with some lovely horses right now.
The RSS Team. I have an incredible group of students, clients, and owners right now. When I sit back and think about all of their smiling faces, my heart swells with pride. They have all worked so hard and come so far. Everyone supports me and gives me a word of encouragement when things aren't going as well as I hope. They are truly amazing and I am grateful for their loyalty.
My farm. There is nothing like owning your own place. I know that it isn't fancy. I know that we have a lot of work to do, but my horses love it here and are happy.
My sponsors. Wow. I have an incredible, supportive group of sponsors. Hastilow Competition Saddles USA, Snider's Elevator, ThinLine, Omega Alpha Equine, KL Select with the USG Body Protector, From the Blindside Jewelry, Ultimate Side Reins, and Wilson College. They all play a huge role in keeping myself and my horses looking and going great, and I'm so thrilled to have them all on board.
I could go on and on and on about everything in my life that I'm thankful for, but I will spare everyone. The point of all of this is to remind myself that there is so much good in my life. Focusing on the good is so much more beneficial to me than focusing on the bad.
There are many that would say that I shouldn't share too much of myself. Well, anyone that knows me well, knows I struggle with that. I tend to say what I'm thinking and try to be as tactful as I can be. However, I am sharing this because:
1. When I start to become negative, I want those surrounding me to remind me to ignore the white noise.
2. I hope that this post will help others that may be struggling with the negative.
Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone. Be blessed. Be happy. Be positive.
AND KICK ON!